A Few Thoughts on Parenting, Part I

My three children currently range in age from 20 – 29. Sarah - my wife and their mother - and I have been married for 31 years and we are both 56. When I reached the age of 50 I began thinking in terms of ‘years I had left’ based on the average longevity of males in my family, a general assessment of lifestyles in America and a hideous conversation I once had with an insurance man while looking over actuary charts and my life insurance policy. All of this made me cease my mental projections and get back to living.

In my adult life two responsibilities have appropriately consumed most of my time, energy and resources: trying to be a loving spouse and an involved father. Although I have not failed I could have done much better – and I still have a shot. After all, the average lifespan of a man in my family is 63. (We are related to Sir Walter Raleigh – not by blood, by tobacco.)

So I wish to cull some wisdom from my good moments and share some knowledge about being a dad.

When your children are at the age of ballet lessons, recitals, Little League and recreational soccer do not plan golf games on Saturday mornings.

If you name a child Thelonius do not be surprised if they choose to become a jazz musician.

Your child will be left out of a sleep over. This is not the end-of-the-world.

Your child will forget something important. So will you.

Parent-teacher conferences should happen every day.

Parent-teacher conferences always include something astonishing.

The most important papers you have to send back to school with your signature will contain stains from your kitchen – most likely French dressing or olive oil.

Do not chastise or spank another family’s child even if they brought a pack of Winston’s to the 5th grade cookout at your house.

Your child may not be an athlete.

Your child may not be a musician.

Help your precious ones find their calling.

Sleeping until 1:00 PM on Saturday is not necessarily laziness. It may be exhaustion. They will wake up and love you.

Yes, we would love them to be our friends. But we are their parents – we are not their friends. You need to figure out what that means – it’s terribly important.

The exhaustion of running your young children from this activity to the next pales in comparison to the needs of young adult children.

Buy cheap used cars when your children turn 16. And insurance.

Point them to God. Let them see you praying or reading a Bible.

Hug and kiss them to Kingdom Come. Love them into Life.