An Odd GEnesis

     And the GREAT GE hired Keith from ESPN and poured into his pockets large amounts of gold; and Keith became a liberal commentator. And GE planted a network eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom He had hired. And out of the ether GE caused to grow every issue that is troubling to the planet, and good for ad dollars; the talking heads and spin-meisters also did he raise up to blur the line between good and evil. And a signal went out of Eden to inform the whole earth; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads. The name of the first station is NBC which ordereth the whole company; And the name of the second station is MSNBC which pretendeth to broadcast the Truth: And the name of the third station is CNBC which reporteth on the ups and downs of The Marketplace: that which goeth out and cometh in (mostly out;) And the fourth station is dedicated to Paid Advertisement in High Def. 

     And The GREAT GE took the man (Keith,) and put him into The Garden of Rock to war against the Fox. And GE commanded the man, saying, ‘On every controversial issue thou mayest opine: But on the topic of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt opine widely and openly: for in the day that thou opineth in that manner your ratings are surely to go up and all hell shall breaketh loose.’

     And GE said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make for him an helper suitable for him.’ And GE caused a deep exhaustion to fall upon Keith, and he took many vacations: and while he was away GE took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh thereof; And from the ribbing, biased and nonsensical postures The GREAT GE had taken from the man, made he a woman out of the guest commentator chair, and broadcast her after the man. And Keith said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Rachel Maddow because that is her name.’

     Therefore shall a man leave the center and forego any thought of rational reporting and shall cleave unto his own politics under the guise of the news. And they were both arrogant and one-sided, Keith and Rachel, and were not ashamed.