Thursday, August 18, 2005

The College Mascot Game

In a moment of authoritative arrogance and insanity, the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) has published new rules regulating the names of mascots adopted by colleges and universities within their sphere of influence. Although I have been unable to attain the exact wording put forth in this decree, I have surmised that the language is very much targeted at those offending institutions whose mascot names are especially “hostile and abusive” toward Native Americans. Florida State University (‘The Seminoles’) seems to have been cited as a particularly harsh offender and has, as I understand, filed suit against the NCAA protesting this edict. Go Noles!

For those familiar with the current wasteland that is college sport I need not articulate a few other tasks for which the NCAA should be expending their significant resources. To those uninterested in college athletics I would mention these topics: shamefully-low graduation percentages, zero grade point averages, rape, point shaving, gambling, theft, drugs, cash, perks and free sneakers. These are just a few. However, the “abusive and hostile” nature of references to Braves, Red Men and Chiefs are causing a rotten decay at the very foundations of our culture and this will no longer be tolerated.

These people have their heads so far up their ass they can probably see what they had for breakfast. If you disagree, listen to this: These rules were published immediately following their little powwow - in Indianapolis, Indiana!

Anyway, since it is very likely that this insanity will prevail in our upside-down culture, I have prepared a game for your consideration: Match the Mascots. School names appear first numbered 1 - 11; new Mascot names follow identified A - H. When you are satisfied with your answers please send them back via the CONTACT mechanism on this web site. Winners will be announced at a later date. Here we go:

1. Baylor
2. University of Washington
3. St. Bonaventure
4. University of Minnesota
5. University of Kentucky
6. University of Missouri
7. University of Colorado
8. University of Tennessee
9. University of Memphis
10. Fresno State
11. University of Las Vegas (Nevada)

A. The Chicks & Booze
B. The Meal Tickets
C. The Backsliders
D. The Failure
E. The Bookies
F. The Welders
G. The Easy Readers
H. The Stranglers
I. The Tutors
J. The Second Offenders
K. Rupp’s Racists


Post a Comment

<< Home